Sleep Equity

I don't feel particularly strongly about how the division of labour works in our house. As it turns out, I do all the shopping, bill paying, cleaning, correspondence, laundry, and almost all the cooking and parenting. But I get to be with Teg all day. Not a bad trade.

But while I might not feel the modern urge to demand household-chore-equity, I find that I am strangely emotional about sleep equity. By that I mean, for some reason I deeply believe that Jeremy and I should get similar amounts of sleep. If we went to bed at the same time, then I feel he should get up at the same time as me (which is when Teg wakes me up). If he worked for 3 hours after my bed time, I feel as if I ought to let him sleep in for about 3 hours. If he sleeps for four, I get annoyed. If we're both home and Teg is awake and he wants to take a nap... I feel it is DEEPLY unfair - unless I get to take a nap later or tomorrow and he watches Teg during that time.

If the sleep scales get out of balance (even if I'm not tired - but he just had more opportunity to sleep than I did), I get jealous: of both his sleep and his company. And since I'm the lighter sleeper of us two, it means that if anyone is awake in the house, I generally am awake too. Which means that the sleep credit balance is seldom in my favour. Which means the grouch in me is awakened too.

I have no idea where these feelings come from. They are strong and visceral - and like many things in marriage, I didn't know I felt so strongly about it until I actually got there. (In pre-marital prep you think you're so flexible about so many things, until you discover months down the line that you're completely angry or flustered because the dishes don't get attended to immediately after dinner... and you never knew you felt strongly about it until someone didn't want to touch the dishes until the following day...)

But it turns out I feel strongly about sleep equity. I am trying to work on it though. It is, after all, just another way of "keeping score" in a relationship... which is always a calculation in favour of unhappiness. If I got 6 hours of sleep and he got 8, is it REALLY worth another 4 hours of sulking on my part to 'punish' my dear husband for his better quality rest? Of course not. This selfish part of me needs some taming yet.

Tegwyn is asleep right now. During this quiet hour I might give this some more thought. But then again, I might take a nap :-)