A mom's momentary insight on God and sex
In my years of student ministry, I was often asked questions about sex: how far is too far? where does the Bible have to say about sex? etc etc. I answered those questions as best I could as a single person, and then later as a married person... but this week I realized I have a different answer now as a parental person, and in that 3am-middle-of-the-night-epiphany kind of way, it really makes sense to me.
If it makes sense to you, I'm glad. Here goes.
I think that for most of my life I thought that you could describe God's attitude towards sex as being somewhere between "disapproving" and "indifferent". Disapproving if you weren't married. Indifferent if you were.
I remember what a shock it was when we did pre-marital counseling and we were reading things about God's approval of and delight in sex: He created it and he was "present in the bedroom with us". After years of imagining God as either disapproving or indifferent, this was a shocking and shameful thought.... but on the other side of marriage I realised it was no longer shameful. But I didn't really ever give the matter of "God's view of sex" much thought again.
Until last week, when it dawned on me that I have a new paradigm through which to think about this issue: the lens of parenthood. There are MANY (wonderful, life-saving, grace-filled and comforting) things about God-as-parent I have learned from being a parent, but this angle was a new one to me.
You see, as a loving parent, you do not view your children with something between "disapproval or indifference". The spectrum of a loving parent ranges between wild and joyous delight on the one hand, and and utter horror and fear for their safety on the other! Either way, you are emotionally involved. And either way, you are filled with love and goodwill towards your child. What makes the difference is context.
Allow me to illustrate (with thanks to google images):
A parent is filled with heart-filled, grab-the-camera, gushing sentimentality when their child discovers the joy of snuggling with pets:
Unless that pet is a bone-crushing snake:
A parent is overwhelmed with the cuteness of a kid's first sweet kisses of affection:
... unless you think your kids' object of affection is a pig.
A parent loves watching their kids' joy as they lick the cake-batter:
Unless there's an electrocution hazard involved:
A parent laughs out loud at the joy of watching their kid discover new tastes and textures:
... depending on the ick-factor of the said tastes and textures:
A parent takes cutesy pictures of their kids learning to use tools around the house:
Unless the outlets aren't covered and it would be unwise to delay intervention:
In each of these instances, the kid is doing something 'natural' and 'innocuous': playing, exploring, interacting, learning... and in each of these cases the kid is happy, curious, and blissfully unaware.
What makes the difference between a parents' "aw sweeeeet!" response and "NOOOOOOOOO! Stooooooopppppp!!!!!" response is not necessarily the activity involved (snuggling, using tools, eating etc), which are not dangerous activities in themselves. It's the CONTEXT in which it is done, since the parent with their wisdom and experience is able to assess a danger which the kid cannot. There's nothing wrong with drinking green liquid from a cup... as long as it's juice and not household cleaning chemical! (True story from my own life: 6-year-old-me was in hospital for 2 days with a burnt out mouth because I made that mistake)
So here's this one mom's momentary insight on God and sex. It is simply not true that God is ever "indifferent" or "disapproving" on the subject of sex. God is emotionally involved and invested and passionate about his CHILDREN and he's emotionally invested in SEX: he made it after all and he cares how it gets treated.... and seeing Him as a PARENT in this issue helps me 'get it'.
God is not indifferent towards sex in marriage. The book of Song of Songs in the Bible is proof enough that God is VERY pro-sex-in-marriage. Song of Songs is so erotic and racy and vivid at times it made me wonder at its place in the bible. And of course I would wonder, if I thought God was indifferent or disapproving. But neither of those is true. When sex is an activity of His children done in a safe way (and he says that's marriage), God is joyfully, aw-sweet, parental-pride-and-vicariously-joyful about it. Think proud, joyful, delighted Daddy.
But when that same behavior happens in a context which He, as the wiser older experienced Parent, sees as dangerous and destructive (a road to Death, Proverbs calls it)... He as a parent cries the protective "noooo! don't do it!!!!!" God is not disapproving of sex outside of marriage, he's deathly afraid for the welfare of his kids. And no matter how much his kids grin and say "look Dad! I'm fine! I can do it!" as they scale the 40 foot ladder - they see the height they have climbed, and he sees the deathly drop of the fall.
Not because He's a prude. But because He's a Dad.
And I think that makes all the difference.
If it makes sense to you, I'm glad. Here goes.
I think that for most of my life I thought that you could describe God's attitude towards sex as being somewhere between "disapproving" and "indifferent". Disapproving if you weren't married. Indifferent if you were.
I remember what a shock it was when we did pre-marital counseling and we were reading things about God's approval of and delight in sex: He created it and he was "present in the bedroom with us". After years of imagining God as either disapproving or indifferent, this was a shocking and shameful thought.... but on the other side of marriage I realised it was no longer shameful. But I didn't really ever give the matter of "God's view of sex" much thought again.
Until last week, when it dawned on me that I have a new paradigm through which to think about this issue: the lens of parenthood. There are MANY (wonderful, life-saving, grace-filled and comforting) things about God-as-parent I have learned from being a parent, but this angle was a new one to me.
You see, as a loving parent, you do not view your children with something between "disapproval or indifference". The spectrum of a loving parent ranges between wild and joyous delight on the one hand, and and utter horror and fear for their safety on the other! Either way, you are emotionally involved. And either way, you are filled with love and goodwill towards your child. What makes the difference is context.
Allow me to illustrate (with thanks to google images):
A parent is filled with heart-filled, grab-the-camera, gushing sentimentality when their child discovers the joy of snuggling with pets:
Unless that pet is a bone-crushing snake:
A parent is overwhelmed with the cuteness of a kid's first sweet kisses of affection:
... unless you think your kids' object of affection is a pig.
A parent loves watching their kids' joy as they lick the cake-batter:
Unless there's an electrocution hazard involved:
A parent laughs out loud at the joy of watching their kid discover new tastes and textures:
... depending on the ick-factor of the said tastes and textures:
A parent takes cutesy pictures of their kids learning to use tools around the house:
Unless the outlets aren't covered and it would be unwise to delay intervention:
In each of these instances, the kid is doing something 'natural' and 'innocuous': playing, exploring, interacting, learning... and in each of these cases the kid is happy, curious, and blissfully unaware.
What makes the difference between a parents' "aw sweeeeet!" response and "NOOOOOOOOO! Stooooooopppppp!!!!!" response is not necessarily the activity involved (snuggling, using tools, eating etc), which are not dangerous activities in themselves. It's the CONTEXT in which it is done, since the parent with their wisdom and experience is able to assess a danger which the kid cannot. There's nothing wrong with drinking green liquid from a cup... as long as it's juice and not household cleaning chemical! (True story from my own life: 6-year-old-me was in hospital for 2 days with a burnt out mouth because I made that mistake)
So here's this one mom's momentary insight on God and sex. It is simply not true that God is ever "indifferent" or "disapproving" on the subject of sex. God is emotionally involved and invested and passionate about his CHILDREN and he's emotionally invested in SEX: he made it after all and he cares how it gets treated.... and seeing Him as a PARENT in this issue helps me 'get it'.
God is not indifferent towards sex in marriage. The book of Song of Songs in the Bible is proof enough that God is VERY pro-sex-in-marriage. Song of Songs is so erotic and racy and vivid at times it made me wonder at its place in the bible. And of course I would wonder, if I thought God was indifferent or disapproving. But neither of those is true. When sex is an activity of His children done in a safe way (and he says that's marriage), God is joyfully, aw-sweet, parental-pride-and-vicariously-joyful about it. Think proud, joyful, delighted Daddy.
But when that same behavior happens in a context which He, as the wiser older experienced Parent, sees as dangerous and destructive (a road to Death, Proverbs calls it)... He as a parent cries the protective "noooo! don't do it!!!!!" God is not disapproving of sex outside of marriage, he's deathly afraid for the welfare of his kids. And no matter how much his kids grin and say "look Dad! I'm fine! I can do it!" as they scale the 40 foot ladder - they see the height they have climbed, and he sees the deathly drop of the fall.
Not because He's a prude. But because He's a Dad.
And I think that makes all the difference.
posted by Bronwyn at 9:54 pm
4 Comments:
Your insight never ceases to teach me, and this case is no different. Thank you so much for sharing, I think that this post is brilliant. God uses you in our lives frequently, so thank you for sharing even about topics one could consider awkward.
Bronwyn! You are so amazing! Thank you for sharing your epiphany with us! God has truly blessed us with a wise friend! Thank you :)
Love the wisdom and humor that drive this point home:) Thanks for sharing Bron! Miss you!
This is so good and so true. And the illustrations were hilarious. I'll probably be referring to this in future conversations! Hugs to you and your precious kiddos!
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