Bootstraps
I have some fun things coming up soon: an invitation to speak at our church's women's retreat at the end of February, followed by a whirlwind trip to South Africa where I get to participate in the worlds largest timed bike race with my dad and sisters (look at the gorgeous route below!)
So three talks and 110km bike race. With two 40 hour travel time flights to and from South Africa, with an infant on my lap, a 3 year old and a 5 year old.
I have some preparation to do.
The bike training has been going along slowly, but for some reason the rest of the preparation (passports! Logistics! Tax returns! Oh, and did I mention the bible teaching?) seems to loom ahead of me as an unconquerable mountain. And I realized this week I keep waiting to start. Waiting to feel less tired, more inspired, more organized, more refreshed, more spiritual... Whatever. I'm waiting for Declan to sleep better, for Callum to take a nap, for my routine to somehow magically present me with an hour a day of mentally-alert preparation time to get "my stuff" done.
Well, I am realizing that this is not going to happen. This crazed, disorganized, sleep deprived state I am in is the NEW NORMAL. I can no longer wait for my circumstances to change, I need to change. As I heard someone put it this morning, I need to be "less mortified, and instead be modified."
This phase of my life is what it is. And it calls for growth on my part: growth in patience, self discipline, humility. It calls for a more mature ad self-sacrificial set of priorities. It calls for diligence and dealing severely with some long-coddled-habitual-laziness.
I need Jesus. I need His grace. These next few weeks are a wonderful, if not daunting, opportunity, but I feel that I have nothing to offer. I am "fine", but when i think of what it will take to train for a race and prepare a weekends worth of teaching, all the while parenting with patience and creative energy - i feel tired, discouraged, spiritually empty.
I need to be pulled up by my bootstraps... But I am not strong enough to yank myself any higher than onto my knees. Any further lifting will require grace and mercy from Above.
So three talks and 110km bike race. With two 40 hour travel time flights to and from South Africa, with an infant on my lap, a 3 year old and a 5 year old.
I have some preparation to do.
The bike training has been going along slowly, but for some reason the rest of the preparation (passports! Logistics! Tax returns! Oh, and did I mention the bible teaching?) seems to loom ahead of me as an unconquerable mountain. And I realized this week I keep waiting to start. Waiting to feel less tired, more inspired, more organized, more refreshed, more spiritual... Whatever. I'm waiting for Declan to sleep better, for Callum to take a nap, for my routine to somehow magically present me with an hour a day of mentally-alert preparation time to get "my stuff" done.
Well, I am realizing that this is not going to happen. This crazed, disorganized, sleep deprived state I am in is the NEW NORMAL. I can no longer wait for my circumstances to change, I need to change. As I heard someone put it this morning, I need to be "less mortified, and instead be modified."
This phase of my life is what it is. And it calls for growth on my part: growth in patience, self discipline, humility. It calls for a more mature ad self-sacrificial set of priorities. It calls for diligence and dealing severely with some long-coddled-habitual-laziness.
I need Jesus. I need His grace. These next few weeks are a wonderful, if not daunting, opportunity, but I feel that I have nothing to offer. I am "fine", but when i think of what it will take to train for a race and prepare a weekends worth of teaching, all the while parenting with patience and creative energy - i feel tired, discouraged, spiritually empty.
I need to be pulled up by my bootstraps... But I am not strong enough to yank myself any higher than onto my knees. Any further lifting will require grace and mercy from Above.
posted by Bronwyn at 8:37 pm
2 Comments:
It's a daunting to do list indeed. The 'eat and elephant' principle is the only suggestion I have, painfully and ploddingly, one bite at a time. Good luck and good grace my super hero daughter. xx
You are brave. My tummy just turned over when I looked at the bike route. I pictured myself toppling right down the side of the mountain. And I had to laugh at your note about long-coddled habitual laziness. I think of you as not at ALL lazy. So that made me laugh. I was like, Whoa, if she thinks she's lazy, what does that make me?!? A sloth.
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