One thing I'm aiming for

Of the many, many things I hope for my children to grow up as (worshippers of God, loyal friends, enrichers of their community, users of their talents, well-mannered, well-educated etc), one thing I also hope for them is that they will not be petty complainers. I do not want them to be people who make those irritating, whiny comments about how they're unhappy with this or that, who think group-complaining counts as conversation. 

During my years of vocational ministry, I heard so many people complain about life being this way or that way, or that they didn't like x or y about the church etc - but without owning that they too were part of the faulty relationship they complained of, they were a member of the community which was disappointing, they themselves were part of the church which was less than perfect. "Be part of the solution, not just part of the problem", I wanted to say to more than one.

And so, in some small way, I'm trying to teach my kids not just to complain about something, but to tell me what they want me to do about it. I want a proffered solution, a request - not just a litany of woes. And so I'm starting small:

3-year old - Mommy, I'm bored/hungry/tired.
Me: I also get bored/hungry/tired sometimes (attempt at empathy). What do you think we can do about it?
3-year old: I want a snack/someone to play with.
Me: (attempt at manners) could you use your polite words to ask for that?
3-year old: Please may I have....

We're getting better at this dog-and-pony show, so now I usually don't need to use words. A simple shrug says "what do you want me to do about it?" And so the conversation goes:
3-year old: AAAGGGHHHHH!!!!!! It's STICKKKKYYYY!!!! (There are few things Teg likes less than being sticky)
Me: (shrug with hands up in helpless pose)
3-year old: Can you get me a wipe, please?

MUCH BETTER! It doesn't always work - but we're making progress... and I hope, hope, pray and hope that in years to come it will make them "what can I do to help?" people instead of  "This sucks!" people. I'm hoping when they're married it will make them "Please could you give me a hug?" people instead of "You never hug me!" people. But who knows how these things will turn out. In the mean time, it's just one of the many things I'm aiming for....